The Night of Dreading - Where you stumble, there lies your treasure - Diary of A Mad Sailor Jump to content
Diary of A Mad Sailor

The Night of Dreading

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I stared at the ceiling, wondering how to escape a bad situation. I was 13 or 14 and allowed to go to the drive-in with a neighbor girl. My father letting me leave the house at night was a huge deal; he had never allowed that before. I asked for over a week, and he finally relented. 

Alas, once I got in the car with my friend, they drove to one of the guy's houses and started drinking. They told me we would go to the drive-in at 10, 10 came, and they were all pretty drunk. Eleven came, and I had barricaded myself in a bedroom and realized that I was screwed. These people were not going to take me home; if I had called home, my father would have come, and he would have started beating me in front of everyone. 

I was terrified to walk home at night. So I lay there on the bed, listening to the drunk goings on in the next room, and I dreaded getting home. 6 am came, and I was able to wake one of the drunks; he took me home. My mother met me at the door and said to go to bed and try and get some sleep because my father was going to kill me. 

I went to bed and fell asleep. A few hours later, my father yanked me out of bed onto the floor, kicked me down the hallway to the kitchen, and threw me in a chair. He kept yelling, and on and on, he would go at the top of his lungs all the things I was; he called me everything but a child of God, as the old saying goes. I would pray that he would just shut up and hit me to get it over with. The first slap across my face skidded my chair backward. I remember thinking it was like a black-and-white cop movie when they got the perp and knocked him around. I tried hard not to cry but couldn't hold it in. That went on for a while, and in the end, lockdown got tighter.

I realized sometime after the beating that the dreading was worse, and in the future, I would try to take my beating right up front.

 I found myself in what I've come to describe as the unenviable screwed position. Where you can face the dilemma immediately and get your screwing immediately, or you can delay facing the inevitable screwing, which includes all kinds of dreading knowing you will need to face it sooner or later. I made up my mind that night that I would instead take my beating up front, with little or no dreading necessary.

Being Able To Take A Punch

Through that horrible experience, I realized that it made me able to take a punch. Of course, you're not be-able-to-take-a-punch.jpg.84ed9181be203bacb7d1ff8a524b0855.jpgsupposed to take punches when you're a child, but being able to take a punch figuratively and literally is one of the top 10 reasons I've been successful. In my life, I have had to be willing to take the hit, get up from the canvas, and continue on my mission.

It's okay to lay there on the canvas and gather yourself while life gives you the ten count, but before it hits 10, you must get back up. 

Life will always throw punches, but if you have a mission, it helps you get back up and keep fighting. If you don't have a mission - get one. It can be a lifesaver. The minor things carried out routinely toward your goals can help you keep your sanity, whether creating a website, joining a group, volunteering, or clearing your backyard of leaves. Find something and treat it as your mission. A mission gives you a reason to get back up and take the punches instead of dreading life. And in the end, you'll be amazed at how strong you are because you keep going.


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